I need to come here to write more.So I shall,from this day forward.I feel a great deal of forgivness for my mum now,in fact I didn't realise how much of a blockage I had for her before.I always loved her,it didn't matter how drunk she was,how crazy she seemed,I never understood how she could not see in herself what I could clearly see. she thought herself as ugly,I thought she was the most beautiful woman in my world.She looked so young through my eyes and so beautiful. Its strange to think that we will never embrace eachother again.I pray father that she is with you and that she has found peace with you.I know that she believed in you... I wonder if my Dad knows that she passed ..I hope he cared,I hope they still had some love or respect for eachother,peace be upon them both Lord.I miss them both dearly. I loved the way my mumcalled me ''mand'..I loved her laugh,oh and times boy was she so funny,what a clown she could be.She was strong too,even when she seemed so weak. When she first died I felt relieved,relieved for her,then I felt angry for a while,then I felt nothingness,I don't like that feeling ofg nothingness,then I began to feel,I broke down and cried like I never cried before.Thankyou God,thank goodness for that.I forgive her for all the hurt,and I grieve for really being without a mum.At least when she was here..you know there was always a chance that we could be mother and daughter.I always dreamed of a close mother/daughter relationship. but thats ok,such things are long behind me now,new soil has been laid and new seeds have been planted.I love you my dear mum.peace be with you,may God's love be with you...always xxxx

wow its been 3 years.It feels longer.I wish you could have realised how truelly special you were. what I respect the most is that you tried,you apologised,you knew,and you tried to give up the drinking,and in all fareness you were always honest in that last couple of years. I am sorry you had to go so soon,I hope it happened so fast that you didn't feel any pain.I feel you suffered enough pain in your heart when you were suffering. I have been angry with you at times.But I do love you,I have always loved you.knowing I cant see you or hug you again,feels really strange even still.

dear mam I feel you in my heart each day we spend together I am grateful of your love we have known eachother forever forever is a long long time I know this life seemed short but I feel your love through so many ways through mind,body and thought. through the whisper of the trees through the rays of the sun your life i brand new we are always one. I love you so much xxx